I often find myself, as I'm sure many women do, with so many thoughts going round in my head that I can't sort them out and make sense of them. The only thing that helps is to "talk it out," whether that be through a conversation with a good friend, a texting conversation, or an online chat with someone. Sometimes, it just isn't possible or convenient to find a listening ear. Also, after a while, I begin to feel like I'm becoming a burden to people and that they might get tired of listening to me try to sort out my thoughts or feelings. I've found that even when I don't get a response, it still helps me stop the incessant flow of ideas, wonderings, memories, and worries, and helps to clear my mind for a while so I can better focus and think more rationally. If I don't "talk it out," then I feel as though my mind's windshield is all fogged up. The decisions I make during those times usually end up being regrettable, and I wonder, "What was I thinking!?!"
So...in an effort to help me keep my mind from being a chaotic mess, and to spare my friends and family from having to listen to all my ramblings, I've decided to try blogging. Of course there are some topics that I won't discuss here, and some topics and situations that I will need immediate feedback on, but hopefully this will give me a venue to express myself and sort through most of the thoughts going round in my head. I'm doing this for me. If others read and get something out of it, great. If they have advice, opinions, or other comments, I hope they respond. If no one reads it, that'll be just fine.
I thought for about 30 seconds on what to title the blog. Anyone that knows me well knows that's a record for me as far as making a decision...and not changing my mind...at least twice. =) "Looking up" is what my focus is for my life right now. First, I'm striving to look to God for his guidance in everything I do, and to follow his leading. It doesn't do me any good to know what He wants me to do and then not do it. I accepted Christ as my Savior when I was a child, and I've always known to pray and ask God to lead and guide me, but over the years, I began to rely on my own knowledge and the advice of others rather than earnestly seeking God's will. Notice I said earnestly. I'm not saying I never sought God's will, or that I didn't try to live in God's will. Now, I have a renewed desire to depend on God for help with every aspect of my life. If we let God guide us, He will deal with the consequences.
I fail daily. Sometimes I feel like I've "blown it" with God and that I'm unworthy to be His child, and satan says, "Just give up. You've made a fool of yourself. Why even try?" If we're not careful, satan can steal our joy and hinder our relationship with God. In times like this, our faith makes such a difference...will we wallow in discouragement and angst for a while, or will we immediately turn to Jesus, knowing forgiveness awaits? What a feeling when I confess and repent, and then God wraps his arms around me and says, "Welcome back!"
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