Finding Myself

Have you ever tried so hard to find yourself that you lose yourself? I've been there. I think sometimes we reach a point in our lives where either we find ourselves stuck, or something happens to make us stop and reevaluate who we are and where we're heading. If it's in a new direction, that usually takes some soul searching, and often it takes working through baggage from the past. In the process, we can lose ourselves...lose who we really are while we try on different personas in a desperate search for who we are destined to be. If someone had told me a couple years ago that something like that could happen to me I would have scoffed at them! Not me! I KNOW who I am! But it happened. It DID...and what a trip! Not one I'd ever want to take again, I might add. I felt like I was being stretched in all different directions...feeling so unsure...so confused...so vulnerable, with times of boldness...elation...and just plain silliness. Endlessly searching...praying...researching. Through it all, there was always fear...of the unknown...of how I was perceived...of experiences from the past. I was constantly questioning myself, doubting myself. Was I where God wanted me? How could I know without a doubt? Even when God showed me things...and I KNOW it was God...I doubted. Then God  reached down and gave me reassurance that could only come from Him. Regardless of how hard I tried to reason it into a coincidence, it just couldn't be. There's no way things could have lined up and happened the way they did coincidentally. Once I accepted that, I began to find myself again. This mind journey I had been on brought me back to me...just me. I'm the same person I was before, but now, I'm so okay with that! I'm more confident in who I am. Yes, I'm overweight...but so are millions of other people. In fact about two-thirds of Americans are overweight, with more than one-third of those being obese. I'm NOT saying it's okay to be overweight. It isn't okay. There are too many serious health risks caused by obesity for it to ever be okay. I'm working on my weight...and I'm making progress! ...and even though I gained 7 whole pounds back with all the Ghirardelli sea salt caramel dark chocolates I devoured over the holidays ...and even though I haven't been to the gym in over a month for one reason or another ...I'm not giving up!